When the Days are Hard

By: Alexandra Murtaugh

There are days in parenting that don’t go easily. Days when your child is in a bad mood. Days when everything seems to go wrong. Days when the external stressors seem to pile up. And on those days, it can feel impossible to do the things required to keep everything moving. But how we respond on those days provides a model for our children about how we manage the hard days. So, when you’re in the middle of those days, prioritize your ability to be a responsive parent and release the pressure to do the things that don’t matter in the long run.

For some parents, this can mean ordering dinner instead of making it. For others, it can mean the house is messy for a week longer while you catch up on some rest instead of cleaning. For homeschooling parents, it can mean a day with more student choice or play activities. For parents whose kids have a lot of afterschool activities, it can mean a night off from the activities. Your kids are going to remember having a parent who was calm more than they’ll remember what they ate or how they spent all of their time. 

I tried this recently when my son wanted to play soccer with me. The house needed to be cleaned, there were a million things I had to do, but I was also exhausted. So I asked him if he wanted to watch something with me. We watched videos of new musicians and mountain biking while we laid together. In the days that followed, he asked to do that again. That time, being relaxed together, was what we both needed. So if you have a day that feels hard, exhausting, or too much, try to reduce the pressure to do everything and just try to focus on being the calm parent your kids need.