Confusing Holidays

Have you ever had the experience where your child’s holiday vacation just began, they got every present they asked for, they are sleeping in, staying up late, getting extra time with friends and family, yet somehow they are more irritable than ever? This is actually quite common, and when you understand a bit about the brain, behaviors like this can actually be quite predictable and we can take action to support our kids.

Our brain’s number one job is to keep us safe and alive, and because of this, our brains love patterns and repetition. If you experienced something one day, and survived it, your brain knows that you will likely survive that thing again, and therefore prefers to repeat that pattern, rather than to venture into the unknown. Even if your child claims to hate going to school and the other extracurricular activities they are involved in, their brain knows that they will survive those experiences and gravitates towards them.

Despite how excited a child may be for a holiday break, their brains often look at that break as an unpredictable time. The fact that their days are not pre-planned. and their typical patterns are obstructed, stresses the brain. The more the brain is stressed, the more likely it is that they will be reactive, irritable, and impulsive, even if their days are filled with exciting activities.

The big question then is-- what do we do about this? The first piece is to know it is likely to occur. Don’t take it personally and don’t think your child has suddenly become a monster. Then, even though they may push against it at first, the more you add structure to their days, the more you can create a new pattern that feels safe. This does not have to be big events each day, it can be scheduling meal time, limiting screen time, scheduling them running errands with you, etc. Kids can even help you create these schedules so that they have a voice in how they spend their time. With grace from you and supportive structures, you can likely keep the joy of the holidays truly joyful.