Summer: Plan B

By: Josh MacNeill

As my wife and I prepared for this summer, we knew the transition from the routine of the school year to the unstructured days of summer would be challenging. With that in mind, we were diligent to plan events for our kids, create a daily schedule, establish expectations and norms, etc. We entered the summer feeling great about all we had put in place to make it a positive season for everyone.

Fast-forward three weeks, things were going terribly! Despite our preparations, our kids were miserable, fighting with us and each other daily. The days were dragging out, and it felt like summer could not end soon enough. We kept repeating to our kids’ different versions of, “we talked about this, you agreed to this, we planned this summer with you!” Admittedly, both my wife and I were feeling pretty frustrated, and that frustration was only making things worse.

Finally, we called a family meeting and had a really honest conversation with our kids that this is not working. We talked through our frustrations, and we let each of them share theirs. (To be clear, on paper this sounds like a hallmark moment, in reality, this family meeting stopped and started, had moments of tears and screams, and was revisited several times over the course of two days.). The result of the meeting was evident-- yes, our kids did commit to certain things for the summer in the final weeks of the school year, but the truth is, they did not really know what they were committing to. They were not in the headspace to think about summer, and children are typically not nearly as good at future planning as adults are. 

The point here is not to say that preparation does not matter. Being prepared can make a big difference, and can help avoid many future problems. However, preparation is not everything. We need to be able to recognize when things are not working, and have the willingness to reset and change plans at any point. Though it was not easy, I can honestly say that there has been a palpable difference in our home ever since that family meeting where we adjusted our plans for the summer. If summer in your home is not going as you hoped or planned, consider a reset. Call your family together and ask what is not working. A new plan may turn the summer around for everyone!