If at First You Don't Succeed...It's Okay!

By: Lindsey Bernhardt

I cannot tell you how many times I have parents tell me that they made a mistake. Perhaps they yelled at their kid, maybe overacted, gave too harsh a punishment, or whatever else us parents do when we are often just trying to do our best. When that occurs, which it has for me, we sometimes reflect on how we handled it internally but forget to address it externally.

I can recall many times when I overreacted about something, yelled, or told my kids how angry I was. I have even been guilty of giving them the silent treatment just so that I would not continue overreacting. Inevitably, I would always feel bad about it. As a counselor and trauma-informed coach, I have learned that instead of being so hard on myself about the way I handled it, I should put that energy into a healthier approach to my mistakes. I would start with apologizing to my kids for messing up. And let me be clear, this is not easy! We are all busy, stressed, overwhelmed, and feel like we are putting fires out constantly. We are bound to make mistakes and that is ok. What is important is that we apologize for them, especially to our children. 

Secondly, we work on preventing a poor reaction again in the future. Discover ways that help you not overreact. Maybe you step away from the conversation and tell your child you need ten minutes before you talk to them. Take slow, controlled breaths and encourage your child to do them with you before you dive into your concerns. Through the combination of these two steps, we demonstrate self-control, model forgiveness, show that mistakes happen, and highlight the importance of an apology. This does not mean allowing your kids to get away with whatever occurred. Instead, it puts the focus on how best to handle our mistakes.