Educational Crossroads: Balancing Comfort and Growth

By: Alexandra Murtaugh

Lately, my husband has been asking if we should send one of our children to a different school– he’s performing very well academically and will likely have the standardized test scores to test into a local magnet school. In his current school, he’s thriving socially and emotionally and he’s developing a sense of self-efficacy toward learning. He also struggles a great deal with anxiety and being comfortable in an environment takes some time for him. The question for us is how do we balance all of his collective needs? How do we know when it’s time to push our children out of their comfort zones and when it’s time to prioritize their comfort and security?

First, I think it’s important to recognize that making a decision where there are two competing and compelling options, whether it’s about schools, activities, or sports, means that there are two options that are in some way both feasible and provide some benefit. This is a good moment to pause and appreciate that there’s privilege in getting to make decisions at all. 

Second, there often is no right decision. While every decision you make for your child is one domino in the chain, the chain is just one part of a much more intricate system. Being thoughtful about the choices you make for your child is often more important than the ultimate decision you make. 

Third, consider where your child is developmentally. There’s a world of a difference between helping your child decide on their postsecondary education when they’re 18 and deciding what soccer league to be a part of when the child is 10. Part of that is because of the weight of those decisions, but part of it is where the child is in their development. 

An 18-year-old likely has developed their own internal ethic, whereas a 10-year-old is likely in the process of developing a consecrated sense of self. An 18-year-old should be in a place developmentally to take more risks than a 10-year-old.

Lastly, whether you make a decision that involves pushing your kid to take a new risk or you decide to keep them in a more comfortable space, try to think of what you can do to supplement your decision. If you push your child to take a risk, what can you do to make it more comfortable, what can you do to minimize adding multiple transitions on top of each other, and how can you support their feelings of safety? If you decide to prioritize your kids’ comfort, how can you support their capacity to manage risk, how can you provide the same benefits that they would’ve gotten in the new environment, and is there a different way you can get your child to take new risks?

Regardless of the age of your children, you’ve probably asked yourself if you were making the right decision for them. Often, we never really figure out a clear answer to this. However, we can feel confident that if we’re truly considering the uniqueness of our children, where they are in their development, and how we can best support them both now and in the future, that we’re likely making one of many possible good decisions for them.